Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
