Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
