you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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