I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
