I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just threw up on my dentist
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
