And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
