He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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