spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
