This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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