My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
