i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
