sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
