took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
