After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
