I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
