sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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