Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
