I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
