so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
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