Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
