life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
