Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
