take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
