you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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