i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Green mimosas i think yes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
