You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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