so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
