Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
