Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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