You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know her cup size but not her name....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
