He uses pillows to masturbate.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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