Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
