So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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