i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
