Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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