So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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