I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
