I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
