Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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