I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
