HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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