Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
