saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
