Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
