My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
