Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
