Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
