btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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