I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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