Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
