Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
