Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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