I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
