we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
