my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
