I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
