So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
