Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
