Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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