I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
