you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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