i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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