I heard we made out
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
did you just send me my own nude
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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