Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
