I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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