my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
