I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
its not stalking. its research.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
