I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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